Imma Punch Your Lights Out

I'm pretty sure I'm the only person on the planet, yes, ON THE PLANET who still listens to regular ol' FM radio. Most cool kids nowadays have their fancy-pants iPods or Sirius or XM radio or whatever you want to call it. Something where their shit gets blasted straight to their cranial from fucking outer space. But no, not me. I've got good old fashioned FM radio where all the stations decide to conveniently take commercial breaks at the same god damn time.

But that's not the only thing I have to contend with. No sirree. If you've ever listened to FM radio (and I'm sure you have despite all your fancy gadgets) then you know that radio stations love to choose
one hit song and play it on a loop every mother loving five minutes. And if you're like me and can't stand the sound of yourself driving (what does that even sound like? I've never paused to find out but I'm sure it's a terrible desolate sound) then you'll suffer through the looping song, even if you hate it.

The current flavor of the week (or weeks shall we say?) is Ellie Golding's Lights which I have to admit I really enjoyed at first. Like maybe the first 6 fucking loops. And I'll admit I was totally rocking out in my car, singing words that I don't even know. What is she saying anyways? Because this is how I sing it: "You turn the lights out shorty turn to stoooone, shine me when I'm alone. And so I tell myself that I'll be strooong, leave me when I'm gone. Keeps on calling calling callingggg... etc. etc. you get the picture. I realize I could just google the lyrics but where's the fun in that? It's like a god damn puzzle where I get to change the pieces every time.

Anyways, after hearing this song a few hundred times while driving around Orange County applying to jobs, I start to get irritated and I'm all SHUT UP ELLIE GOLDING OR IMMA PUNCH YOUR LIGHTS OUT.

And then a few loops later I'm all rocking out to it again (it's so freaking catchy) and analyzing half understood lyrics.

What do you suppose she's talking about? WHY THE FUCK IS SHE SO FASCINATED BY THESE PARTICULAR LIGHTS??? She's totally on drugs. Someone get Ellie some help!!!

OR she's seen extraterrestrial lights and she's all GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING GROWN UP VOICE YOU ALIEN FUCKERS, I SOUND LIKE A CHILD!!!

Which is why she wrote the song in the first place so she it could go on satellite radio and the song would get blasted into the cranials of the alien voice thieves who made her sound like a fucking baby so she's calling calling calling them to get it back...

...This is all getting very complicated. So I end with this. Write a new fucking song Ellie Golding.